March 21st, 2010

On Sunday March 19th, 2012, I had to drop my husband Jason off on base and see him off for his 4th deployment. This time to Afghanistan again. This one was definitely harder to say good bye, not just for me, but for Ashley (8), Kamden (6), and Jaren (2)! This time we stayed in North Carolina instead of going back to New Hampshire where our friends and both our families are. I have only made a couple of friends down here. I don't know them that well, as I have just met them a couple of months ago. Ashley I think is taking it the hardest right now, even though she is older and understands it a lot more than the other 2. This is also her 4th time going through him leaving on another deployment. She was 2 weeks old and in the NICU the first time he went. This is Kamdens 3rd time and Jarens 2nd. I am soooo scared to be doing it all ALONE with NO help from anyone. I know that I can do this though. I am a strong person. It's just scary at times. At least all the other times he got deployed, I was in NH and I was living with either my mother or my father, who helped me out A LOT. Especially my mother. I also had my sister and friends to do things with. They were good at keeping me occupied. They were there to babysit when I needed them to as well. Down here, I really don't have anyone that I am comfortable leaving my children with. It's not that I just don't trust my friends, but I wouldn't trust ANYONE!!!! I have always been a stay at home mother, so I have NEVER had to leave them with a day care provider. I have also never had to leave them with a baby sitter for more than a couple of hours at a time. I usually left them with my mother and sister for the most part, or Jasons sister or mother. People I knew VERY well!!!! 


So far, I have been able to keep the kids on a schedule and am dealing with all the responsibilities very well. I have my moments where I want to cry and wish that Jason was here to help. I know that he would be if he could. It also gets hard at times for the kids, which makes me feel soooo bad for them as well. I feel bad when they ask for Daddy, or when they say they want me to call him so they can talk to him. I hate that I have to tell them that Daddy is at work, and that I can't call him, or that I can't get them Daddy. Especially when Jaren my two year old cries for him at night. He doesn't understand why Daddy hasn't come home from work yet. He is use to Jason coming home everyday. JAren was 3 months old when Jason left for his last deployment to Afghanistan and he was a little over a year old when Jason got back. So he never really noticed or cared that much that Jason wasn't there. He has become VERY close to his Daddy the   last year or so. I am hoping this deployment goes by very quickly.